We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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