I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
