Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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