He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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