You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
