He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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