The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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