i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
