i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it was like eating out sand paper
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
