sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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