just come out here and I will go home with you...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
