Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
