I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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