I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
