I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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