I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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