Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
