she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
