Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
