Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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