she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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