Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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