I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
