'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
