Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
