im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
