I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
