Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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