she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
