i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
