Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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