the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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