i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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