suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
