Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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