Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
