What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
