Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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