YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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