I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
