his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
