First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I need water and some morals
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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