Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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