the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
