So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
