i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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