not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
