he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i will never coherently bang her
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
