i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
