The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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