Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
