yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
