So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
