come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
