I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize