I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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