I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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