I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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