OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
