I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
