counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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