I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
