K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
