Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
where does the pee come out of this thing
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
