I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
