One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
