i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
