I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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