im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
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